Introverted mind.Extroverted Heart.

Grief has turned me into a stranger. I look into the mirror and I don't know the person looking back at me. She looks like me, but I don't know her ways. I often feel that I am watching myself on a movie screen as I go about my day. I'm not sure what stage of grief I am in now, but I'm sure there's a sprinkle of anger, depression, and acceptance all mixed into one. I have come to believe that everyone I love will go away. It doesn't matter how much I think I have loved them they will leave eventually. They may leave willingly which stings something terrible. They may leave unwillingly, because they are no longer living. Either way, they all leave. Somehow, I want to believe this lie that everyone I love will always stay. I am learning to accept slowly that I can't control anyone but myself, and this means I can't control if someone leaves or stays in relationship with me.  This often makes me go into self-preservation mode. My thinking goes som...

Innervisions album cover I've never felt colors before. I've seen them with my eyes and marveled at each unique shade. Whether they are bright or dim; colors allow us to express the ways we see the world. Colors allow us a way to see the creativity of God surrounding us. Today after a rather shitty day with high-highs and low-lows; I seriously met my people quota. This is when an introvert has surpassed the amount of interaction with humans for the day and desperately needs alone time. I came home and told my roommate "I am done with people for the day. I plan to hide from the world." She laughed but I was so serious.  I honestly had an explosion of emotions stirring inside of me and it felt like I was suffocating trying to contain them. They wanted out but I wanted to remain cool, calm, and not bothered. I was bothered though. I'm usually bothered by something. I may be bothered by the state of world, or the state of my room, but I usually can alwa...